Taking things one day at a time

"March comes in like a lion, out like a lamb."

The year is marching on - pun intended! - and it has me feeling reflective. Today, March 1, 2021 is the 20 year anniversary of my move to Florida. It's hard to believe that it has been 20 years. When I think back on how much changed in 2020, I can't help but compare it to how much my life has changed over all. For one thing, I have very different habits and coping mechanisms than I used to. That has helped a lot during quarantine. Depression would often paralyze me creatively. The guilt that I feel when my motivation dips just compounds my depression in an endless spiraling cycle. I have definitely felt my creativity flag over this last year, but I still find things to keep those muscles flexible. For example, I've been broadening my horizons by working on crafty projects other than my usual art. As I have been working on mixed media for a while, my brain has starting churning with more ideas for experimenting.

As the pandemic stretched on, I felt the need to nest and started some redecorating. Spending so much time at home has made me re-evaluate my surroundings. Redecorating has already made a big difference in the energy in my space. From there, I made a journal from scratch. I love the idea of scrapbooking and playing with paper. Believe it or not, I have a lot of scrap paper, fabric and other miscellaneous stuff. It made sense to make a book of my own - which has inspired me to bind my own Misery Loves Company book. The book itself is finished, but it's still blank inside. I've stalled out on what to fill it with. After binding that book - as well as all the times that I have used fabric and thread in my work - I started to think about playing with embroidery. This was another pretty natural extension of the direction I was going in with mixed media. There was already an image printed on my art bag, but it's faded and needed a punch. I had always thought about embroidering my tote bag and Covid has freed up a lot of my time. I really like how the outline turned out and want to add some shading, but I've sputtered there, too...Of course, I still have larger pieces that I'm working on as well as more work to do online. Plus, I have lots more ideas: making my own paper, playing with clay and molds, engraving and woodworking...But my days are up and down. It's hard enough to finish what I'm already working on much less find the energy for all this new stuff.

This last year has been particularly challenging, but I feel like my creativity is adapting. It is still imperfect, but I am in the process of trying to accept my new reality. The upside is that I have had more time to focus on my mental and emotional health. The downside is that I have a lot of time on my hands to overthink things and make myself crazy. Regardless, I'm still trying to channel my emotions into my creativity. Instead of paralyzing me, my depression has been fueling my creativity. Now the challenge is to wade through the gray so that I can fully process and release it. It may be rote, but it really is just one day at a time.

I'm still feeling the after effects of 2020. I hope that's the lion. Then maybe the lamb will be the calm to come in 2021.