How Did I Get Here???

I am an artist.

Pretty obvious statement, dontcha think? Actually, it wasn’t really that long ago that I couldn’t say that. I was an artist, but I didn’t believe in myself. I discovered that I enjoyed art when I was a junior in high school - in my mind, that was late. I thought that artists created as soon as they could hold a pencil. I grew up and went to school with a couple of talented artists. They could draw when we were in elementary school. I didn’t even doodle. How could I possibly be an artist?

After my first art class, I took as many more as I could. When planning for college, I decided to be an art major. It wasn’t because I wanted to be a professional artist - there was just nothing else that I was interested in. How could I possibly be an artist?

I graduated with a BA in Fine Art. I planned to go back to school so that I study Interior Design. That was a career with an actual paycheck. That’s what I wanted. How could I possibly be an artist?

As time went on and my life twisted back and forth, plans to go back to school were put on hold. I would say that I was an art major, an art student, or that I got my degree in art, but I never called myself an artist. I was painting here and there, drawing occasionally, but my art was never a priority. Even when I started painting live at Cafe Tu Tu Tango, I would say that I worked at Tango or I painted at Tango. I still wasn’t an artist.

To be honest, I’m not even sure when that finally changed, but I do know why. I went through a dry spell that lasted for about 3 years, during which I didn’t paint at all. I was pretty miserable. I really thought that was it - I would never paint again. In 2011, an artist friend asked me to be an instructor at her paint night studio. She is a very talented artist that is quite well known and I respect her a lot. The combination of recognition of someone I respect, a creatively challenging environment and regular deadlines was enough to snap me out of my creative drought.

Since that time, I have been creating new work pretty regularly. When I came out of my slump, I realized that, no matter what, I would always create. My dry spell wasn’t permanent. It could happen again, but it would be temporary again, too. Since then, I have gone through periods of extreme burnout - pushing myself too hard to make deadlines, do events, spending a lot of time and money with no return. When I get to my breaking point, I declare that I quit! I can’t do it anymore! Then I take a deep breath and realize, even if I never sell a thing again, I’m not going to stop creating. That’s why I call myself an artist.

Because, really, how could anyone put themselves through that BUT an artist?