April Showers Bring May Flowers

April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!! Lol!!!

And that was my comedy career, ladies and gentlemen!

April showers and May flowers show the progression of spring. The next step in the cycle of life is summer, which will unofficially begin Memorial Day weekend. Then it's June and summer is officially underway. This transition period between spring and summer has been challenging for me over the last few years. June, in particular, is a mixed bag of up and downs. But that's a story for another blog...
I have realized that at this time of year, my energy starts to change. My moods are all over the place, but mostly I feel off - more tired and negative than not. I am a cranky gal by nature. Lol! But I have noticed that this dip has happened around this time constistantly over the last few years, becoming a pattern. That includes the recent post pandemic years. After March of each year is when I would go offline. The emotions that were swirling just below the surface started breaking through and blocked out everything else. I let the depression take over. It would take me until January to really try again. Why?
I have started to recognize that for me, May and June have both joyful anniversaries as well as some that stir grief. When I think of the happy dates approaching, they are intricately tied to the dates that remind me of pain and loss. For a Gemini like me that is most def a self professed hot mess, this clash of emotions is quite overwhelming. Spoiler, one of those happy dates is in June - my birthday. Lol! The funny thing about dates that are tied to life defining moments is that you start to feel the memories and feelings coming way ahead of time. So as June starts to approach, I get more and more squirrely.
Even now, knowing that this cycle is starting again, it is taking a lot of work for me to just continue working, creating. My battery is very low right now - physically, mentally and emotionally. I have identified and defined the pattern, but that doesn't solve everything. I still have work to do. But that work never really ends - it just gets more manageable. I'm feeling more optimistict this time. I am constantly changing and learning and that is what life is. It is a process. I have been working really hard on untangling all the knots inside of me. I have started to identify some of those knots, but they are still pretty tangled.
Now here I am, still blogging, still creating, feeling like my artist self again. I'm using my art to work through this cycle. I blog to process some these thoughts. I am focusing on my art to help voice the feelings that words can't. I do it for me, but I also do it for anyone that has ever felt this way. If you are reading this, know that you are a big reason that I am still trying. Thank you for all your support!